to my future seed,

some would call it presumptuous the way that i consider you. you are nowhere in sight, probably not in the near future, but your spirit is already with me. you are my peace, but also my pressure to do better. i'm working on getting healthier now so that i'll have the energy (and time) to run around with you. i'm the cool mom, not the lazy mom.

i want to set your life up and present you a different world view. i need to learn more things just to teach them to you— fail to be sure that you succeed. i pray for patience when you shun my advice, but i'm also proud that you believe in your own mind. i'll encourage that.

i don't know who your father will be, and that's the beautiful part. i may know him, but i haven't found him yet. i'll teach you the difference. i couldn't tell you what he looks like physically, but spiritually, he's a wise man. he thirsts for knowledge and he's genuine. he reminds you of your granddad. his laugh is hearty and his heart is big. & mentally, his mind is forward, and he considers you too. your father has the kind of mind that balance's mommy's. he's logic when i'm faith, he's faith when i'm logic, but often times we meet in the middle. i chose him with you in mind. he gave me a sense of security that i could trust your life with. he chose me with you in mind. i allow him freedom, so his commitment is out of respect and not obligation. our love for each other will be the premise of your opinion of love. we'll do our best. we'll teach you that our love for each other strengthens with our love for ourselves, and work through the rough patches— for you. you'll become our glue. 

i'm ready for you, but i trust your timing. God can keep you until i tie up the loose ends. i'm still establishing my career, and daddy still has a little more growing to do. but i'm saving you love; bottled up and untouched. i'll be ready when you are.


your future mommy.